hello again.

Well, I have been MIA from the blog world for a while. So, let me start back in January and I'll explain.  I was expecting that certain monthly gift and each day that went by it still failed to show up.  Four tests later and now 8 days late still nothing.  I wasn't sure what to think.  Honestly, I was getting excited.  Alan and I had not talked about having another baby but this would have been a great surprise!  On the 9th day it came and I was crushed.  I got my hopes us and a flood of emotions hit me.  It felt so similar to the miscarriage I had in March of 2008 (although I was not able to confirm that I was pregnant this time like in '08).  I know most women can relate to the feeling of wanting that so bad and then being let down when it doesn't happen.  I spent some time crying, asking God why, and wondering what had happened.  Each day I continued to pray, God let your will be done and I will trust you.  Every day I gave my worries and burdens back to the One who could carry them because I was (and still am) very good and taking those worries and burdens back.

Alan was so compassionate during those weeks that I was a mess.  I cannot wrap my head around how blessed I am to have him as my best friend.  He knew that he couldn't understand how I felt but he understood it was a big deal to me and he was going to be there for me.  To say I am thankful for him would be a great understatement.  One night, while I was lying there with tears rolling down my face, he said, "Maybe we can start trying now."  (Can I tell you that made me melt and bawl all at the same time!?)  I love him!  And really, that helped me a lot. 

God continues to amaze me with his perfect timing and His will is always best.  Saturday, February 5th, I opened up to our small group about my struggle and why I was struggling.  I told them about the let down at the beginning of January and how I felt stuck, wondering where God was.  Have you ever felt that way?  Like you were in a pit just waiting for help that seemed to never come? 

I mentioned the date that I shared with my small group because that following Monday, February 7th, I took a test and this time I saw two pink lines!!!  I was seriously jumping up and down in the bathroom!  I was so excited I couldn't wait till Alan got home to tell someone so I told Noah, our 4 year old.  He was almost as excited as I was.  It was a good day.  This would be the first pregnancy we actually 'planned'.

My husband is not the type that shows excitement in a big way so, in true Alan fashion, he smiled and said, "Alright" with a little laugh when he saw the test laying in the bathroom.  (No, I'm wasn't very creative.  I was too excited!)  His reaction made me smile.  Have I said I love him?  Cause I do!

Well, there it is.  That is the reason I have not been blogging.  Feeling sick and tired have taken up most of my time.  Oh, and chasing my growing boys around every where.  More to come!  (Almost forgot!  Little Mr. or Miss should be here mid-October!)