vent

Here we go again.  Another time that we have to 'reevaluate' my husband's availability for his 40 hour a week job.  This time it isn't due to corporate cut backs, new policy, or a new manager.  It is because one individual is complaining about the lack of evenings that Alan works.  And not complaining to Alan, but to the store manager, the district manager, and HR.  I'd really like to have a talk with this guy and inform him of what Alan's schedule really looks like...a meeting on Mondays after his j.o.b., class all evening on Tuesdays, church on Wednesday, j.o.b. Thursday evenings, and usually work on Saturdays.  Oh yes, and of course Sundays {you know, the only day a pastor actually works, ha!}.  Insert family time in there, plus working on papers due nearly every week in class, preparations for sermons/worship, and you have one busy man.  I'd really love to know this person's opinion about when he believes my husband should work more evenings. 

I am so thankful for how hard Alan works to provide for us and allow me to be home with our boys.  This man I love makes sure to take time for his family and genuinely show us his love.  I don't want him to feel this pressure that is coming from a job he really doesn't enjoy.  It is hard as his wife to sit by and not be able to defend him.  Not that he needs me to defend him, it's more like you desperately want to fight for someone you love.  But I know the most powerful thing I can do for him is pray.

In all this, I am not worried about our future or if Alan will have to quite because he simply cannot give more time in the evenings.  I know God is SO much bigger than this and He has a plan.  I rest in that completely.  God has been faithful time and time again to show us that He is in control and He will provide for us.  If you have been close to us these past 3 years or so, you know this is not the first time Alan's job has been on rocky ground.  I am thankful for that history to remind me that no matter what God is there and I CAN and will trust Him.

*Sigh*  Glad to get that of my chest.  As I write this I am reminded again that it doesn't matter if Mr. Complainer knows anything about our situation because someone must bigger and greater does and He is the one I want to rely on for my needs. 

¹¹ For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Jeremiah 29:11



thoughts

Just a few thoughts today as I sit here.

*My 15 week little one is about the size of an apple.  I love apples!  Last week we got a chance to see our little baby and it was wonderful!  Noah and Taylor went with us too!  The sono tech said she didn't see any boy parts but because it was so early she cautioned against running out to buy pink stuff yet.  Can I tell you that I cried?!  Happy tears of course. 

*Our family vacation at The Great Wolf Lodge has been wonderful.  The boys (all 3) loved the water park and I am so thankful for how relaxing our time here has been.  I am also thankful for each second I got to spend with Alan.  Family vacations will happen every year for sure now!

*Watching Noah's face as we pulled into the parking lot at the lodge was priceless!!  I wish I had thought to record it.  We only told him in March that at some point we would be coming here but didn't tell him when.  We picked up Daddy from work on Wednesday and drove straight here.  As we drove near, Noah said, "Some day we will go there on vacation!"  And boy was he shocked when some day became that day!

*I love spring!  The warm weather and green every where warms my heart!

*Today is Good Friday and I found myself thinking about Jesus' sacrifice as I woke up.  Wow!  That is all I can say about that.  It's hard to put into words what today, and this weekend, mean to me.

*I have the best in-laws in the WORLD!  I loved spending time with them last weekend.  And I miss my sis-in-law.

*This last week has been such a blessing.  Yes, the whole week and a few days.  I had felt so blah and lonely.  Our schedule had been so packed with doing this and doing that; it seemed there was no time for sitting and relaxing as a family, all together.  Thank you Lord for the chance to slow down and spend time together.  What wonderful memories!

*And last, it is 9:30am and my baby is still asleep!!  It is our last day at Great Wolf and I think Taylor is plum worn out!  He looks so cute sleeping in the bottom bunk.  I promise to post pictures soon! (:  Daddy and Noah are spending the last hour or so at the water park.  {This quiet time is great!}

Happy Easter, everyone!

hello again.

Well, I have been MIA from the blog world for a while. So, let me start back in January and I'll explain.  I was expecting that certain monthly gift and each day that went by it still failed to show up.  Four tests later and now 8 days late still nothing.  I wasn't sure what to think.  Honestly, I was getting excited.  Alan and I had not talked about having another baby but this would have been a great surprise!  On the 9th day it came and I was crushed.  I got my hopes us and a flood of emotions hit me.  It felt so similar to the miscarriage I had in March of 2008 (although I was not able to confirm that I was pregnant this time like in '08).  I know most women can relate to the feeling of wanting that so bad and then being let down when it doesn't happen.  I spent some time crying, asking God why, and wondering what had happened.  Each day I continued to pray, God let your will be done and I will trust you.  Every day I gave my worries and burdens back to the One who could carry them because I was (and still am) very good and taking those worries and burdens back.

Alan was so compassionate during those weeks that I was a mess.  I cannot wrap my head around how blessed I am to have him as my best friend.  He knew that he couldn't understand how I felt but he understood it was a big deal to me and he was going to be there for me.  To say I am thankful for him would be a great understatement.  One night, while I was lying there with tears rolling down my face, he said, "Maybe we can start trying now."  (Can I tell you that made me melt and bawl all at the same time!?)  I love him!  And really, that helped me a lot. 

God continues to amaze me with his perfect timing and His will is always best.  Saturday, February 5th, I opened up to our small group about my struggle and why I was struggling.  I told them about the let down at the beginning of January and how I felt stuck, wondering where God was.  Have you ever felt that way?  Like you were in a pit just waiting for help that seemed to never come? 

I mentioned the date that I shared with my small group because that following Monday, February 7th, I took a test and this time I saw two pink lines!!!  I was seriously jumping up and down in the bathroom!  I was so excited I couldn't wait till Alan got home to tell someone so I told Noah, our 4 year old.  He was almost as excited as I was.  It was a good day.  This would be the first pregnancy we actually 'planned'.

My husband is not the type that shows excitement in a big way so, in true Alan fashion, he smiled and said, "Alright" with a little laugh when he saw the test laying in the bathroom.  (No, I'm wasn't very creative.  I was too excited!)  His reaction made me smile.  Have I said I love him?  Cause I do!

Well, there it is.  That is the reason I have not been blogging.  Feeling sick and tired have taken up most of my time.  Oh, and chasing my growing boys around every where.  More to come!  (Almost forgot!  Little Mr. or Miss should be here mid-October!)