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Thursday, May 31, 2012

brutal honesty about my addiction.

I'm not sure I even want to begin typing this, but God is doing some serious searching of my heart and this is what I am dealing with.  I am  most certainly overweight.  In fact, according to those wonderful bmi calculators I am obese.  Thank you bmi calculator.  You are not my favorite.

I am not overweight because I've had three kids or any other excuse I may come up with.  I am overweight because of my own choices, desire for food, and my avoidance of exercise.

I've known for many years {probably 10+ years}, that I am an emotional eater.  I eat when I'm stressed, sad, angry, tired, happy, or celebrating.  So, yea, I pretty much like to eat all the time.  It has been the thing I turn to to fill me and comfort me.

I don't want to be this size.  I want to be healthy and be able to run with my kids.  I want to be able to enjoy the summer without feeling all hot and sweaty because my bulging body keeps sticking together. {sorry if that is gross, but it is true!}. 

And this isn't me beating up on myself because I have low self esteem.  In fact, besides my addiction to food, I am secure in who God has created me to be.  But the food thing is a big issue for me.

So, this is where I am at right now.  I crave food more than I crave God.  *OUCH!!* That really hurts to admit that.  I actually cried when I first read that.  That is not the life I want.  I want to crave God with every single part of me and know that He is enough, all I'll ever need!  I plan to share as much of this journey with you as possible.  {remember I do have three kiddos so they take a lot of my time (: }  I'll be posting more about where I am now, maybe a picture and even the dreaded number on the scale! Yikes!

This is a heart changing journey, I'm sure.  I know it will not be easy, but I do not want this issue to hinder my walk with my Savior.

forever His,
marcey ♥

17 comments:

  1. Your honesty....A reason I love you more and more. I am proud of you....not that I agree with all of this...but I am proud of you :)

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  2. I am praying about posting something similar. I will be praying for you on your journey! It's not an easy one, that's for sure. Love you!

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    1. I am so thankful for you friend! Thank you for praying for me and I will pray for you!

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  3. Proud of your bravery for sharing.

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    1. (: Thank you for telling me! That is encouraging!

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  4. A Friend - CarlaMay 31, 2012 at 4:03 PM

    Marcy, I love you so much! You are so beautiful and so wonderfully honest. I follow your blog and you will never know how much you and I have in common. I wish we could get together and share our stories someday. I am praying for you and ask that you do the same for me.

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    1. Carla, Thank you for your sweet comment! It lifted me up and made me smile. I'd be honored to get together to share if you'd really be up for that. (: I will be praying for you and thank you so much for yours.

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  5. Marcey- finally got a few minutes to read your blog...i have missed it so much! WOW! You are one amazing woman! So truthful and honest! What a wonderful ministry God has giving to you, to share your heart and soul. I just know God is blessing so many other woman, as He is me, with your pouring out your heart and soul! Thanks so much for being a wonderful role model and great, beautiful friend!

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    1. You fill me up! You are such an encouragement to me, thank you, thank you!! I am so humbled by your words.

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  6. I think you look great in all your pics lately but I also totally understand the feeling! So excited to hear about your weightloss journey, you can do it!

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    1. You are too sweet (: Your compliment and encouragement mean so much to me! Thank you friend!

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  7. I read Your Story on your friend's blog, and I will be visiting here often.

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    1. Thank you for stopping by and saying hi! I'd love to hear more from you. (:

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  8. Hey Marcey, I was just thinking I had not seen a new post from you lately so I came to investigate. I know all to well of your struggle, and I fully confess that these last two weeks with surgery and the general ill feeling, I have been scarfing up cookies. Which I shoot insulin to counteract the carb.

    You are brave and you painted a pretty graphic image of yourself. lol It's called "dunlop" when part of your body got big enough it "done lopped over" and created those sticky, sweaty places. Kind of gross huh? I have to tell you that when I saw you for the first time, my reaction was not "Oh, that girl PUT on some weight now". It was, "Wow, There is a softness and gentleness about Marcey that I don't remember from her teen years." Granted, none of us should be judged by our teen years. But I saw a spiritual maturity in you, not a size.

    But I am right there with your and I am almost certain our pastor's wife would admit to the same addiction. You know something is wrong, if you buy a can of frosting or a cookie dough tube just eat by yourself. Gluttony is just as hard to control as any other sin. And in the church fellowship it's worse because it's a sin that we overlook and use to our advantage.

    But my doctor has cleared me for climbing onto my stationary bike if I skip all the arm movement. So I will join you on your journey to bust through this stronghold. If we must eat while we fellowship, then we will do so with veggies. or fruit. or...(Tina slaps her hand). I still have 50 lbs to lose for my bariatric surgeon. So I will start the exercise...I HATE to sweat...it's a big deal to me. And I will try to find other creative and productive ways to respond to the food cravings. I started to list them and figured out right away it was NOT a good way to start this.

    If you find the magic verse, let me know. ;)

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    1. As always, thank you for your sweet words! They have really helped me on this journey. (:

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  9. I crave food more than I crave God. *OUCH!!*

    Yes I have to admit I do this as well. It is a constant battle, and I love more often than I care to admit. Good thing God is gracious and patient... Lord help me! I want you to... at least, sort of I do! (wow, such a sinner!)

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