Friday, April 27, 2012


Ever felt just...blah?  Ugh, it can be a discouraging feeling for sure.  And that has been my week.

I shared part of my story twice over the past weekend {to a large number of strangers} and boy, that took a lot out of me.  So really, I think that is the reason for just feeling out of it...that and my baby girl has decided that once again that sleep is not important.  Oh, and my man and I have been staying up way too late talking {but those times are SO worth it!}.

I am still trying to decide if sharing that part of my life here on the ole blog is a good idea or not.  Honestly, I have been feeling a bit down about that whole thing.  It's almost like the dreaded shame monster is coming back to sit with me for a while.  God and I have been talking about that quite a bit lately.  It's just something I have to work through as my past is brought back into the light.  Part of it might also be that now a large portion of my family knows about my past sin and I am a bit afraid they see me differently now.  Yep, that has to be it because as I typed that tears began to fall from my eyes.

On a happy note, I can already see how God is using the bad for good.  I have had several people reach out to me and begin to share their story too.  Never in my life did I think my worst actions could be used for His glory, but that was just my humanness talking and not realizing how great He is.

So, if you think of me, please pray for me. Don't worry, I have not lost hope and I most certainly have not let go of my Savior's hand.  Just in a funk and my God is bigger than any funk I might be in.

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose."
Romans 8:28

the Lord's,
marcey ♥


  1. Just wanted to let you know I love spending those late nights talking to you even though it does make the next day so much longer when I'm tired. It is worth it!

  2. Oh Marcey, as Pam and Joyce say "Take those thoughts captive!" ( I still have no real clue what that means but it sounds good! So I just rebuke it).

    Jason rocked me on my heels a couple years ago when in a sermon he said something on the lines of and not a direct quote...Shame does not come from God. GUILT says I did something wrong. SHAME says there is something wrong with me. I realized I had been listening, believing and taking responsibility for a lot of lies that I did not own anymore.

    Speaking truth is always a good thing, but I know from experience that as soon as you do, that ole enemy starts in with self doubt and contempt. Our truths shine Light and God's redemption, something that is not welcomed in the worldly realms. I had to really work on the concept of "as far as the east is from the west" and the fact that our Father had no idea why I was still beating myself up. He chose to forget it. And so did I. And so do you. You can use the testimony for glory, but you have to let go of the pain that time causes you.

    And I'm not being trite when I say let go of the pain because it took me around 35 years to do that.

  3. I am telling you (and telling myself) that any negative feelings, attitudes, accusations, LIES, discouragement, guilt, shame, etc... are not from God. I have to remind myself of that A LOT when I start feeling like I should share something or do something, but then start backing out and doubting myself, that that is NOT from God. Sometimes it's honestly hard to distinguish because the Enemy is SO.GOOD. at lying to us and hitting us right where it hurts... he takes our most inner hurts and inner thoughts and uses them against us. What a dummy he is.

    I love you, bestie. Hang in there.

  4. Your words have once again touched my heart! Found myself tearing up as I read this post. I wanted to let you know that I most certainly haven't changed my view of you, well if I have, it is because I have even more respect for you! How obiedent you are! Christ is really working through you to touch lives. :)