the battle: what i am.

Let me tell you.  This awareness of my food addiction has made my life hard and depressing at times.  Over the last couple of weeks I have began to see how dependent I actually am on sugar.  My body begins to have some serious withdrawals.  It's terrible!  But I am determined, by God's grace and power alone, to overcome this.  Jesus defeated death!! so He can certainty defeat an addiction such as this.

My focus has changed.  It is no longer about weight loss. {plus the battery is dead in my scale and I'm not in a hurry to replace it, hahaha}  I do not want to be defined or controlled by anything other than Jesus.  I want everything I say and do to point to Him.  My reason for this journey is to get closer to the one who made me not to fit into a size 2...or even an 8 {although, that'd be nice}.

I don't have answers on the 'how to' to share.  I know it is a day-by-day, hour-by-hour, and at times, minute-by-minute choice to allow Him to be in control and not the sugar-fill snack that stares me in the face.

A couple of months ago I began reading, "Made To Crave" by Lysa Terkeurst {don't you just love how her name is spelled!?}. If you are on this journey too I highly recommend this book {no, I was not paid to type that and I actually have not made it all the way through yet}.   I'm in the midst of chapter 8 right now but something hit home with me in chapter 6 that I do not want to forget.  She talks about how we identify ourselves, as in, "by your family relationships {as a wife, mother, daughter, aunt}, by a professional title or lack of one, or by where you live or go to church."  She also touches on how we define our selves by our circumstances, like: Marcey, the abused girl from a broken home, Marcey, the one rejected and emotionally scared by her own mother, or Marcey, the one who wonders if she'll ever be 'good enough'.

Lysa asks: "Have you ever felt your identity was defined by your circumstances?"  Um, yes!  As I sit here and let that question sink in, I realize that I do this far more often than I was aware of.  Ouch...

Okay, so the part that I want to remember is the list of affirmations straight from scripture that Lysa lists.  Insert your name in place of mine and just let the truth of God's endless love sink into your soul.

Marcey, the forgiven child of God.
"and all are justified freely by His grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus." Romans 3:24

Marcey, the set-free child of God. 
"Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit who gives life has set you free from the law of sin and death." Romans 8:1-2

Marcey, the accepted child of God. 
"...to those sanctified in Christ Jesus and called to be His hold people, together with all everywhere who call on the name of our Lord Jesus Christ - their Lord and ours:" 1 Corinthians 1:2

Marcey, the hold child of God. 
"It is because of Him that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God - that is, our righteousness, holiness, and redemption." 1 Corinthians 1:30

Marcey, the made-new child of God. 
"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!" 2 Corinthians 5:17

Marcey, the loved child of God. 
"For He chose us in Him before the creation of the world to be hold an blameless in His sight in love." Ephesians 1:4

Marcey, the close child of God. 
"But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far away have been brought near by the blood of Christ." Ephesians 2:13

Marcey, the confident child of God.
 "In Him and through faith in Him we may approach God with freedom and confidence." Ephesians 3:12

Marcey, the victorious child of God. 
"No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us."

WOW!!!  I dare you to write or type those out.  Open up your Bible, read it in the Word, then write it.  My soul is filled by those truths!  I am in awe of His great love for me.  I AM MADE FOR MORE than to be controlled by food.  I am a forgiven, set-free, accepted, holy, made-new, loved, close, confident, victorious, child of God.  And you, my dear friend, are too!

forever His,

♥marcey

the big d in our house.

Decisions.  Those can be some of the hardest things to make, and I've made some complicated meals before!  Honestly, if you asked me last year, I probably would have been able to answer quickly.  "Oh yea, we have that figured out.  Easy peasey."  As time grew closer and we began to weigh the options, along with options we didn't know even existed for our family, it became clear that this was no little thing.  School.  Where would Noah be spending the next 9 months and would that be the place he will stay for the next 13 years?  13 years people!

I wish there was some simple formula to figure it out.  Oh it is simple! I would tell you. You live there?  Great!  You go to this school!  Well, I guess it can be that simple, but that was not the case for our family.  I couldn't wrap my mind around sending Noah to public school {please don't misunderstand, I am not belittling anyone who's children attend public school. I, myself, attended public school from 6th through graduation.}  For Alan and I, choosing the place our son would learn was a very important decision.  We knew what school district we were in.  We also knew that there was a private school in our town, one that I actually attended for a couple of years.

That is it!  I thought to myself. We will send him there.  Smaller school.  Christian education.  Plus we know many of the parents and teachers already!  Well, that was easy...or not.

Above all else, we knew we wanted God's plan for Noah and for our family.  We prayed and asked God to make it know to us what His will is.

There was an open house for the christian private school back in March.  Perfect!  This will give us a chance to see if this is the right fit for us.  If sending Noah there is what God is calling us to do.   The weeks leading up to this event I spent much time in prayer asking God to make it clear to me, if this was the school for Noah, we would know that night.

So, we went.  Noah was not overly thrilled with the whole experience but he seemed excited for school none the less.  I, however, left feeling like this was not the choice for us.  Don't get me wrong, the school is great!  The teacher was so sweet and I really appreciated the atmosphere there.  What a fun place to learn!  But still, I just knew it was not for us.

Insert more prayer here.

What other options did we have?

Lord, please!  I don't know what to do.  He has to go to school this fall.  I can't just keep him at home and hide him in his room...wait... Keep him home?  Well, isn't that an idea. Homeschool?  Lord, I need a serious answer here and some real direction.  There is no way that I, the mom with very little patience  and one who cannot keep up with the laundry...ever, could possible add teaching my child to my long to-do list each day!

I guess I thought I could entertain the idea and just find out more about it.  But really though, I thought God had to be joking that He would call me to this.  I never, ever, and I mean EVER thought this was my calling. Surely this was not what His plan looked like in my life.

My good friend has taught her 3 boys at home their entire lives and they are the most well behaved kids I know.  {And no, they are by no means 'socially awkward.'  Come on, I know you were thinking it.} I have always had the utmost respect for her and her family.  And she has been in my life for, um...11 years!  So, anyway, I asked her if I could pick her brain about homeschooling...you know, just to humor God and see if this was something He was really serious about.  Little did I know that the conversations would change so much for our family.

Everything she said just resonated so deep within me.  I almost cried out of excitement.  THIS IS IT!!  This is exactly what I am to do.  This is my calling.  What do you know?  God, you were right!  Like I needed a reminder.  So thankful He is patient with me and continues to show me His will.

So here we are...having fun learning at home!  I am so thankful for my supportive husband who is all for it and most of all, I am thankful God led me to this place in my walk where I can lean on Him for strength as we start this new adventure.  Oh, it is so stinkin' fun!!

forever His,

marcey♥ 

Box day!  Our curriculum finally arrived and the boys were just a tad excited.

This was NOT posed.  All three of them were so into the books!