Oh hello. Long time no...um, read? This summer has flown by for this family. Quick update: husband's 10 year high school reunion {awkward}, my birthday, sister's wedding, time with sis-in-law {Sara!!}, father's day, finally seeing my best friend!, caring for 4 kids every.single.day, swimming at the in-laws, cleaning/remolding the downstairs so my mom and 8 year old little brother can move in, pack up and take 3 kids all the way to Wisconsin for the July 4th holiday {so very fun!}, walking 2.5+ miles 3-5 days a week, then swimming lessons begin. So, yes, I think you are some what caught up now. I did forget to mention all the food making, cleaning, and laundry that took place too? That silly laundry takes up so much time! And I have 2 dogs.
Maybe it isn't my busyness that has kept me away from blogging. I tell myself that it is but maybe it is actually that I don't want to tell you how I am doing in regards to the food issue. {see previous post} It's not easy folks. At all. But I have been so touched by many of you through sharing my struggle! You have been open and honest with me about your own struggles which in turn has encouraged me to keep going and know that I am not alone. Many of you have been so supportive and quite the cheerleaders for me! Thank.You!!
Here are the facts so far:
Starting weight:5/31: 184lbs...yikes! Current weight: 7/18: 178.2lbs 5.8 lbs down! I'm happy with that. It is a move in the right direction. Exercise:walking-started out doing 3 days a week, 2-2.5 miles in the morning and this week we {my mom-in-law, the 4 kids, and I} are doing 5 days!! I really do enjoy walking especially after I got my pedometer and I can clearly see that I am doing something. Through my hubby's work, I get points for various healthy activities and one of them is walking 10,000+ steps a day {verified by the handy little pedometer}. I know I need to do more, so tomorrow I hope to get up and run a bit before my hubby has to go to work. It is so hard to get out and exercise with little kids because they don't exactly enjoy walking/riding their bike for an hour. Overall health/feeling: Ugh, I have been SOO tired! I thought exercising and eating right was supposed to help you have more energy? What gives? Maybe I need to be more consistent...like the 5 days a week things. Food: Well, I have not been counting my calories...that is probably why the scale has not moved more in 1.5 months. There have been days when I REALLY want to consume all the sweets in the house. It is really hard to break this habit.
I hear my baby waking up so I have to quit for now. I really hope to make this more of a weekly thing. But seriously, with 4 kids in the house I barely have time to shower! (:
I'm not sure I even want to begin typing this, but God is doing some serious searching of my heart and this is what I am dealing with. I am most certainlyoverweight. In fact, according to those wonderful bmi calculators I am obese. Thank you bmi calculator. You are not my favorite.
I am not overweight because I've had three kids or any other excuse I may come up with. I am overweight because of my own choices, desire for food, and my avoidance of exercise.
I've known for many years {probably 10+ years}, that I am an emotional eater. I eat when I'm stressed, sad, angry, tired, happy, or celebrating. So, yea, I pretty much like to eat all the time. It has been the thing I turn to to fill me and comfort me.
I don't want to be this size. I want to be healthy and be able to run with my kids. I want to be able to enjoy the summer without feeling all hot and sweaty because my bulging body keeps sticking together. {sorry if that is gross, but it is true!}.
And this isn't me beating up on myself because I have low self esteem. In fact, besides my addiction to food, I am secure in who God has created me to be. But the food thing is a big issue for me.
So, this is where I am at right now. I crave food more than I crave God. *OUCH!!*That really hurts to admit that. I actually cried when I first read that. That is not the life I want. I want to crave God with every single part of me and know that He is enough, all I'll ever need! I plan to share as much of this journey with you as possible. {remember I do have three kiddos so they take a lot of my time (: } I'll be posting more about where I am now, maybe a picture and even the dreaded number on the scale! Yikes!
This is a heart changing journey, I'm sure. I know it will not be easy, but I do not want this issue to hinder my walk with my Savior.
The last couple of years {when we were finally in a house instead of an apartment/townhome}, I found a new love. Gardening. I love planting flowers and making a seemingly dead and barren space more beautiful and pleasing to look at. The way the green and color mix together to create beautiful landscaping just makes me all giddy inside! And this year, we now have a vegetable garden of our own! The satisfaction that comes from growing your own food is priceless. What is even more exciting is I have had these plants for nearly a month and they are all still alive! Sadly, between rabbits, deer, and the cat we formally owned, the last 3 years have resulted in dead, eaten, and up-rooted veggie plants, so you can see why that would thrill me.
Well, in the last week or so, God has really brought the picture of plants to the forefront of my mind and how they can relate to relationships. I know this is not a new concept. Plants are written about several times in the Bible {Luke 8:1-15: parable of the sower, John 15:1-17: the vine and branches, just a few examples}. But have you ever thought about the different types of plants as examples of the depth of our relationships, or specifically our relationship with Christ?
I was awoken with these thoughts sometime last week.
Am I just an pretty annual, that blooms beautifully in the spring and summer? Do I not grow very big, and my roots are never too deep in the soil? Then do I just wither, fade, and die at the first sign of harsh weather?
Or am I like a tomato plant? I produce fruit when times are good but as soon as it gets cold or there is a drought I no longer am able to to anything, but rather I just stop.
Am I a small shrub that seems satisfied with growing just a little and getting my roots just a bit farther in the ground? I will survive winter or a mild drought but really, I am just happy being small in stature, never really reaching new heights or striving to grow towards heaven.
I'd love to say that I am like a great oak tree. My roots are deep and strong. I am not easily blown over or stepped on. For many years I have grown taller and stronger, always pointing up to heaven and can be seen from afar.
These word pictures have really challenged me to examine where am I in Christ, if I have just become satisfied with my relationship with Him, and if I have lost the desire to go deeper. Have I become 'ok' with a shallow, only on the surface type of relationship or am I challenged and stretched to grow deeper in His word and stronger in Him?
Even yesterday when I sat down outside for my alone time with Him, He reminded me of this. Here is a bit of what I wrote:
Lord, thank you for providing Alan's job! My heart is overflowing with thanks because of Your faithfulness. It is because of his job that he was able to have a three day weekend with us and it has sure been relaxing. And today the weather is perfect! Thank you.
It in these seasons of life that I know {and want} to deepen my roots in You even more so when the storms of like come, I am secure in You.
"With my roots deep in You,
I'll grown the branch that bears the fruit.
And though I'm small I'll still be standing in the storm
'Cause I am planted by the river
by Your streams of living water.
And I'll grown up strong and beautiful,
all for your splendor, Lord"
{For Your Splendor by Christy Nockels}
Had my Bible opened to Colossians to show Alan the scripture I'd like to have read for Lilly's dedication and I glanced over to chapter 2 and above the verses was the title 'Spiritual Fullness in Christ' so I began to read. Verse 6 & 7 say "...continue to live your lives in Him, rooted and built up in Him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and over flowing with thankfulness."
Well, needless to say, I was blown away at how God met me right there and it seriously felt like such a big hug! All this has been on my mind so much lately that I felt pressed to share with you. I really thought I was supposed to get a post typed up and published last week but it never seemed to come out right and now I know. God was not finished with this yet.
I want to be challenged by Him daily and I want to seek to grow stronger in Him by reading His words to me. I want to be able to hold on tight to Him when the storms come, because storms will come {it is certainly not a matter of if but when}.
So, friend, I pray that you will stop and think about your own relationship with Christ.
It's never to late to let Him plant and grown a new seed in you!
It's never to late to put down roots in His word and grow strong in Him!
It's never to late to seek Him and find Him! He is always there!
Here is a song that has been in my head for the better part of a week and also the song in which I wrote the chorus in my journal yesterday. I hope you enjoy it as much as I do.
Whew! Sometimes you just need to recharge, am I right? Sharing my story sure took a lot out of me. Maybe I am alone here, but being so open and vulnerable is a scary, and at times draining, thing. I mean, I am giving people I know, and most of which I don't know, solid ammo to hurt me if they so choose. Plus, those that do know me may change how they view me. But really, that last part does not bother me. I was obedient to what God asked of me, so I just rest in Him, knowing His ways are greater than mine and He is in charge. I have tried it on my own with out His help, and well...you all have probably read how that turned out! Pain. Hurt. Heartache.
Since opening up on the www, I have been praying, asking God what His plan is for my blog specifically. I don't want it to be anything that is my own doing, for my own personal gain. I want to encourage the hearts of those who read. I want to point each sweet soul to Jesus and His redeeming, perfect, ever-loving grace. I also want to be real with you all. I know God can use my mess to bring others closer to Himself.
So until next time, know that He wants you to know Him personally. He wants to show you a love you have never known. Take time today to seek Him...you will find Him.
