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Saturday, March 3, 2012

breaking heart.

I'm a bit nervous to share this but I feel like God is asking me to so here it goes.  I have a very hard time talking to God 'in my head' without getting distracted so easily.  So, before, during, and after I read His word I journal as if I am writing/talking just to Him.  I don't share it with anyone and Alan doesn't even read it.  As I was writing today, I felt God nudging me to share it so here it is.  

This week I came across a blog that told about children in another country that were, basically, being starved to death.  Some of these babies & kids have downs syndrome and have been left to lay in a bed, not being held or touched, only given a glass beer bottle with a nipple attached and filled with a liquid with very little substance.  I cried and cried when I read the horrible stories.  Last night when I was talking to Alan I had to stop talking because I began to cry.  Lord, I want to do something but I do not know what.  I want to adopt one of those children, but do I have the means to care for them?  I need Your direction.

It's in situations such as theirs that I start to question why you don't destroy the world.  How can someone treat little ones like this?  I live in such a comfortable, safe bubble here in the US, in our safe, small town.  I almost feel guilt over it but I know that is not from You.

I am making changes in the way I live so we can get out of debt and better be able to serve Your people in a financial way.  So, until that day, I will pray and pray and change in ways You lay upon my heart.

One example is I want to stop being dependent on make up-that is money much better spent on others.  My self-worth should not come from my appearance.  Another thing you have brought to mind is Noah's schooling.  Should we send him to a private school?  Or is that a selfish act on our part?  I need direction for this decision.  I thought I would get a 'sign' at the open house the other night but I didn't.  It only felt more awkward.  I trust in You for guidance.  I {and I know Alan does too} want Your will for Noah, and all our kids, so we are willing to do what You would want us to.

Thank you for Your tremendous blessings You have placed on my life.  Sometimes I wonder why because I know nothing I have done merits such wealth. ♥Your Daughter

4 comments:

  1. Marcey, that is beautiful! I know God will honor your obedience to share your heart and your vulnerability. May He redeem your finances and give you the desires of your heart.

    As I read that blog the other day I was heartbroken for those children who were created in the image of God. I know He is at work for those precious children!

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  2. I know the blog you spoke up. Kind of made your bones dry up from reading of that atrocity. I have friends who will be flying to Ethiopia this week to pick up their new son. So I wouldn't be surprised if God has something similar in your future. Sometimes though, our hearts break from the same things that break His.

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  3. I haven't read the blog you mention, but I've heard the stories, and I agree, they hurt me too. While I am in no place to have a child, or even that great of finances, I've sponsored a child through Save the Children. Child Fund is also a great organization to sponsor a child through without a huge cost. Again, I only have myself to support, but I feel like I'm making a difference in their lives...even if it is just a small one...

    As for Noah's school, I believe if you keep praying and asking God, you'll receive some sort of an answer. Maybe not a huge sign, but I think you'll make a decision and be at peace with it...

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  4. Marcey I love your heart!!! I can relate so much to your words. Sometimes when I look at my life, I feel so blessed but yet so small and insignificant when it comes to reaching out to others. Thank you for sharing your heart!!

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