our busy day.

My son loves to write stories and I certainly enjoy hearing what is in that little mind of his.  Here is his most recent assignment where he was to tell about a particularly busy day of ours.  It just so happened, that yesterday was that day.  These are his exact words.  No editing. (:  Enjoy! 

Noah, age 6

Our Busy Day 

 by Noah Combs

A sunny, Monday morning, I got up and got dressed and had breakfast.  After I got done eating breakfast, I got ready for school.  I did math and handwriting and we did language arts.  Then after we were done doing school we went to Columbia at 11:15am.  We ate lunch in the car.  I had a peanut butter and jelly sandwich while my mom was reading me Pooh Corner.  Then when it was time to go inside to the doctor, we went inside and sat down.  And Mommy talked to a lady about Lilly’s appointment then after that she came and sat down for a while.  Then the doctor came.  She checked Lilly’s ears and take her temperature.  And the lady said her left ear was worse than her right ear.  Then we went to pay and me and Taylor got a sticker.

Then we left to Schnuck’s for Lilly’s medicine.  While we were waiting for Lilly’s medicine to get ready, we bought some groceries.  Then after we were done buying groceries we went and picked up Lilly’s medicine then we left to JC Penny’s.  Then we went to return one of Lilly’s dresses that Grandma bought her because it was too small then we bought her a new one.  And we paid for the new dress then we went home.  Then we got home at 3pm.  And when we got home Lilly and Taylor fell asleep.  And Mommy brought them into bed. After she was done putting them to bed, me and Mommy finished school.  Me and Mommy cleaned up the living room.  Mommy worked on dinner.  Mommy made chicken pot pie for me, Mommy and Daddy and Lilly and Taylor.  Then after that me and Taylor had our chocolate.  And Lilly took a bath.

Before Mommy made dinner, and before Daddy got home from work, me and Taylor were playing in our room and when Daddy got home we went out to see him and give him a hug.  And after that I went back into my room to play. 

Mommy said, “You don’t have to be in here.” 

And I said, “Ok.” 

Mommy said, “I would appreciate it if you would clean up your room for me.”

I think I said, “Ok” or maybe not.  Anyway, I cleaned up my room for Mommy. 

Later that night, Mommy told me and Taylor that we could watch a movie.  It was a Veggie Tale movie.  After the movie was over Mommy told us we could watch a Christmas movie and we watched a movie about Santa.  After the movie was over me and Taylor went into the living room.  Daddy asked us to get dressed and ready for bed.  Me and Taylor got dressed and ready for bed.  Then we went to bed.  And Daddy prayed with us and Mommy came in and prayed with us.  And before all that happened, Mommy was making Taylor’s stocking.  Mommy almost finished it.  After Mommy prayed with me and Taylor, me and Taylor fell asleep. The End.

the battle: what i am.

Let me tell you.  This awareness of my food addiction has made my life hard and depressing at times.  Over the last couple of weeks I have began to see how dependent I actually am on sugar.  My body begins to have some serious withdrawals.  It's terrible!  But I am determined, by God's grace and power alone, to overcome this.  Jesus defeated death!! so He can certainty defeat an addiction such as this.

My focus has changed.  It is no longer about weight loss. {plus the battery is dead in my scale and I'm not in a hurry to replace it, hahaha}  I do not want to be defined or controlled by anything other than Jesus.  I want everything I say and do to point to Him.  My reason for this journey is to get closer to the one who made me not to fit into a size 2...or even an 8 {although, that'd be nice}.

I don't have answers on the 'how to' to share.  I know it is a day-by-day, hour-by-hour, and at times, minute-by-minute choice to allow Him to be in control and not the sugar-fill snack that stares me in the face.

A couple of months ago I began reading, "Made To Crave" by Lysa Terkeurst {don't you just love how her name is spelled!?}. If you are on this journey too I highly recommend this book {no, I was not paid to type that and I actually have not made it all the way through yet}.   I'm in the midst of chapter 8 right now but something hit home with me in chapter 6 that I do not want to forget.  She talks about how we identify ourselves, as in, "by your family relationships {as a wife, mother, daughter, aunt}, by a professional title or lack of one, or by where you live or go to church."  She also touches on how we define our selves by our circumstances, like: Marcey, the abused girl from a broken home, Marcey, the one rejected and emotionally scared by her own mother, or Marcey, the one who wonders if she'll ever be 'good enough'.

Lysa asks: "Have you ever felt your identity was defined by your circumstances?"  Um, yes!  As I sit here and let that question sink in, I realize that I do this far more often than I was aware of.  Ouch...

Okay, so the part that I want to remember is the list of affirmations straight from scripture that Lysa lists.  Insert your name in place of mine and just let the truth of God's endless love sink into your soul.

Marcey, the forgiven child of God.
"and all are justified freely by His grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus." Romans 3:24

Marcey, the set-free child of God. 
"Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit who gives life has set you free from the law of sin and death." Romans 8:1-2

Marcey, the accepted child of God. 
"...to those sanctified in Christ Jesus and called to be His hold people, together with all everywhere who call on the name of our Lord Jesus Christ - their Lord and ours:" 1 Corinthians 1:2

Marcey, the hold child of God. 
"It is because of Him that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God - that is, our righteousness, holiness, and redemption." 1 Corinthians 1:30

Marcey, the made-new child of God. 
"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!" 2 Corinthians 5:17

Marcey, the loved child of God. 
"For He chose us in Him before the creation of the world to be hold an blameless in His sight in love." Ephesians 1:4

Marcey, the close child of God. 
"But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far away have been brought near by the blood of Christ." Ephesians 2:13

Marcey, the confident child of God.
 "In Him and through faith in Him we may approach God with freedom and confidence." Ephesians 3:12

Marcey, the victorious child of God. 
"No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us."

WOW!!!  I dare you to write or type those out.  Open up your Bible, read it in the Word, then write it.  My soul is filled by those truths!  I am in awe of His great love for me.  I AM MADE FOR MORE than to be controlled by food.  I am a forgiven, set-free, accepted, holy, made-new, loved, close, confident, victorious, child of God.  And you, my dear friend, are too!

forever His,

♥marcey

the big d in our house.

Decisions.  Those can be some of the hardest things to make, and I've made some complicated meals before!  Honestly, if you asked me last year, I probably would have been able to answer quickly.  "Oh yea, we have that figured out.  Easy peasey."  As time grew closer and we began to weigh the options, along with options we didn't know even existed for our family, it became clear that this was no little thing.  School.  Where would Noah be spending the next 9 months and would that be the place he will stay for the next 13 years?  13 years people!

I wish there was some simple formula to figure it out.  Oh it is simple! I would tell you. You live there?  Great!  You go to this school!  Well, I guess it can be that simple, but that was not the case for our family.  I couldn't wrap my mind around sending Noah to public school {please don't misunderstand, I am not belittling anyone who's children attend public school. I, myself, attended public school from 6th through graduation.}  For Alan and I, choosing the place our son would learn was a very important decision.  We knew what school district we were in.  We also knew that there was a private school in our town, one that I actually attended for a couple of years.

That is it!  I thought to myself. We will send him there.  Smaller school.  Christian education.  Plus we know many of the parents and teachers already!  Well, that was easy...or not.

Above all else, we knew we wanted God's plan for Noah and for our family.  We prayed and asked God to make it know to us what His will is.

There was an open house for the christian private school back in March.  Perfect!  This will give us a chance to see if this is the right fit for us.  If sending Noah there is what God is calling us to do.   The weeks leading up to this event I spent much time in prayer asking God to make it clear to me, if this was the school for Noah, we would know that night.

So, we went.  Noah was not overly thrilled with the whole experience but he seemed excited for school none the less.  I, however, left feeling like this was not the choice for us.  Don't get me wrong, the school is great!  The teacher was so sweet and I really appreciated the atmosphere there.  What a fun place to learn!  But still, I just knew it was not for us.

Insert more prayer here.

What other options did we have?

Lord, please!  I don't know what to do.  He has to go to school this fall.  I can't just keep him at home and hide him in his room...wait... Keep him home?  Well, isn't that an idea. Homeschool?  Lord, I need a serious answer here and some real direction.  There is no way that I, the mom with very little patience  and one who cannot keep up with the laundry...ever, could possible add teaching my child to my long to-do list each day!

I guess I thought I could entertain the idea and just find out more about it.  But really though, I thought God had to be joking that He would call me to this.  I never, ever, and I mean EVER thought this was my calling. Surely this was not what His plan looked like in my life.

My good friend has taught her 3 boys at home their entire lives and they are the most well behaved kids I know.  {And no, they are by no means 'socially awkward.'  Come on, I know you were thinking it.} I have always had the utmost respect for her and her family.  And she has been in my life for, um...11 years!  So, anyway, I asked her if I could pick her brain about homeschooling...you know, just to humor God and see if this was something He was really serious about.  Little did I know that the conversations would change so much for our family.

Everything she said just resonated so deep within me.  I almost cried out of excitement.  THIS IS IT!!  This is exactly what I am to do.  This is my calling.  What do you know?  God, you were right!  Like I needed a reminder.  So thankful He is patient with me and continues to show me His will.

So here we are...having fun learning at home!  I am so thankful for my supportive husband who is all for it and most of all, I am thankful God led me to this place in my walk where I can lean on Him for strength as we start this new adventure.  Oh, it is so stinkin' fun!!

forever His,

marcey♥ 

Box day!  Our curriculum finally arrived and the boys were just a tad excited.

This was NOT posed.  All three of them were so into the books!  

the battle.

I need to blog more about this food journey I am on.  I seriously think about it every, single day.  But really, I have been waiting until I have good news to share before I feel motivated to actually type something out.  I need to get over that.  I know it would help keep me be accountable for my choices if I posted the good, the bad, and the ugly. My very sweet friend Megan is on a journey similar to my own and I can't help but be so amazed at her honesty in her most recent post {and in all her post, really}.  Thank you Megan for your bravery and encouraging me to keep going!  

So friends, if it's been a while since you have heard from me ...check up on me. (:  

forever His,

marcey♥

creative avoidance.

Oh hello.  Long time no...um, read?  This summer has flown by for this family.  Quick update: husband's 10 year high school reunion {awkward}, my birthday, sister's wedding, time with sis-in-law {Sara!!}, father's day, finally seeing my best friend!, caring for 4 kids every.single.day, swimming at the in-laws, cleaning/remolding the downstairs so my mom and 8 year old little brother can move in, pack up and take 3 kids all the way to Wisconsin for the July 4th holiday {so very fun!}, walking 2.5+ miles 3-5 days a week, then swimming lessons begin.  So, yes, I think you are some what caught up now.  I did forget to mention all the food making, cleaning, and laundry that took place too?  That silly laundry takes up so much time!  And I have 2 dogs.

Maybe it isn't my busyness that has kept me away from blogging.  I tell myself that it is but maybe it is actually that I don't want to tell you how I am doing in regards to the food issue.  {see previous post} It's not easy folks.  At all.  But I have been so touched by many of you through sharing my struggle!  You have been open and honest with me about your own struggles which in turn has encouraged me to keep going and know that I am not alone.  Many of you have been so supportive and quite the cheerleaders for me!  Thank.You!!

Here are the facts so far:

Starting weight: 5/31: 184lbs...yikes!
Current weight: 7/18: 178.2lbs 5.8 lbs down!  I'm happy with that.  It is a move in the right direction.
Exercise: walking-started out doing 3 days a week, 2-2.5 miles in the morning and this week we {my mom-in-law, the 4 kids, and I} are doing 5 days!!  I really do enjoy walking especially after I got my pedometer and I can clearly see that I am doing something.  Through my hubby's work, I get points for various healthy activities and one of them is walking 10,000+ steps a day {verified by the handy little pedometer}.   I know I need to do more, so tomorrow I hope to get up and run a bit before my hubby has to go to work.  It is so hard to get out and exercise with little kids because they don't exactly enjoy walking/riding their bike for an hour.
Overall health/feeling:  Ugh, I have been SOO tired!  I thought exercising and eating right was supposed to help you have more energy?  What gives?  Maybe I need to be more consistent...like the 5 days a week things.
Food: Well, I have not been counting my calories...that is probably why the scale has not moved more in 1.5 months.  There have been days when I REALLY want to consume all the sweets in the house.  It is really hard to break this habit.

I hear my baby waking up so I have to quit for now.  I really hope to make this more of a weekly thing.  But seriously, with 4 kids in the house I barely have time to shower! (:

forever His,

♥marcey

brutal honesty about my addiction.

I'm not sure I even want to begin typing this, but God is doing some serious searching of my heart and this is what I am dealing with.  I am  most certainly overweight.  In fact, according to those wonderful bmi calculators I am obese.  Thank you bmi calculator.  You are not my favorite.

I am not overweight because I've had three kids or any other excuse I may come up with.  I am overweight because of my own choices, desire for food, and my avoidance of exercise.

I've known for many years {probably 10+ years}, that I am an emotional eater.  I eat when I'm stressed, sad, angry, tired, happy, or celebrating.  So, yea, I pretty much like to eat all the time.  It has been the thing I turn to to fill me and comfort me.

I don't want to be this size.  I want to be healthy and be able to run with my kids.  I want to be able to enjoy the summer without feeling all hot and sweaty because my bulging body keeps sticking together. {sorry if that is gross, but it is true!}. 

And this isn't me beating up on myself because I have low self esteem.  In fact, besides my addiction to food, I am secure in who God has created me to be.  But the food thing is a big issue for me.

So, this is where I am at right now.  I crave food more than I crave God.  *OUCH!!* That really hurts to admit that.  I actually cried when I first read that.  That is not the life I want.  I want to crave God with every single part of me and know that He is enough, all I'll ever need!  I plan to share as much of this journey with you as possible.  {remember I do have three kiddos so they take a lot of my time (: }  I'll be posting more about where I am now, maybe a picture and even the dreaded number on the scale! Yikes!

This is a heart changing journey, I'm sure.  I know it will not be easy, but I do not want this issue to hinder my walk with my Savior.

forever His,

marcey ♥

relationships are like plants.

The last couple of years {when we were finally in a house instead of an apartment/townhome}, I found a new love.  Gardening.  I love planting flowers and making a seemingly dead and barren space more beautiful and pleasing to look at.  The way the green and color mix together to create beautiful landscaping just makes me all giddy inside!  And this year, we now have a vegetable garden of our own!  The satisfaction that comes from growing your own food is priceless. What is even more exciting is I have had these plants for nearly a month and they are all still alive!  Sadly, between rabbits, deer, and the cat we formally owned, the last 3 years have resulted in dead, eaten, and up-rooted veggie plants, so you can see why that would thrill me.

Well, in the last week or so, God has really brought the picture of plants to the forefront of my mind and how they can relate to relationships.  I know this is not a new concept.  Plants are written about several times in the Bible {Luke 8:1-15: parable of the sower, John 15:1-17: the vine and branches, just a few examples}.  But have you ever thought about the different types of plants as examples of the depth of our relationships, or specifically our relationship with Christ?

I was awoken with these thoughts sometime last week.

Am I just an pretty annual, that blooms beautifully in the spring and summer?  Do I not grow very big, and my roots are never too deep in the soil?  Then do I just wither, fade, and die at the first sign of harsh weather?

Or am I like a tomato plant?  I produce fruit when times are good but as soon as it gets cold or there is a drought I no longer am able to to anything, but rather I just stop.

Am I a small shrub that seems satisfied with growing just a little and getting my roots just a bit farther in the ground?  I will survive winter or a mild drought but really, I am just happy being small in stature, never really reaching new heights or striving to grow towards heaven.

I'd love to say that I am like a great oak tree.  My roots are deep and strong.  I am not easily blown over or stepped on.  For many years I have grown taller and stronger, always pointing up to heaven and can be seen from afar.

These word pictures have really challenged me to examine where am I in Christ, if I have just become satisfied with my relationship with Him, and if I have lost the desire to go deeper.  Have I become 'ok' with a shallow, only on the surface type of relationship or am I challenged and stretched to grow deeper in His word  and stronger in Him?

Even yesterday when I sat down outside for my alone time with Him, He reminded me of this.  Here is a bit of what I wrote:

Lord, thank you for providing Alan's job!  My heart is overflowing with thanks because of Your faithfulness.  It is because of his job that he was able to have a three day weekend with us and it has sure been relaxing.  And today the weather is perfect!  Thank you.


It in these seasons of life that I know {and want} to deepen my roots in You even more so when the storms of like come, I am secure in You.

"With my roots deep in You, 

I'll grown the branch that bears the fruit.

And though I'm small I'll still be standing in the storm

'Cause I am planted by the river

by Your streams of living water.

And I'll grown up strong and beautiful,

all for your splendor, Lord"

{For Your Splendor by Christy Nockels}

Had my Bible opened to Colossians to show Alan the scripture I'd like to have read for Lilly's dedication and I glanced over to chapter 2 and above the verses was the title 'Spiritual Fullness in Christ' so I began to read.  Verse 6 & 7 say "...continue to live your lives in Him, rooted and built up in Him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and over flowing with thankfulness."

Well, needless to say, I was blown away at how God met me right there and it seriously felt like such a big hug!  All this has been on my mind so much lately that I felt pressed to share with you.  I really thought I was supposed to get a post typed up and published last week but it never seemed to come out right and now I know.  God was not finished with this yet.  

I want to be challenged by Him daily and I want to seek to grow stronger in Him by reading His words to me.  I want to be able to hold on tight to Him when the storms come, because storms will come {it is certainly not a matter of if but when}.  

So, friend, I pray that you will stop and think about your own relationship with Christ.  

It's never to late to let Him plant and grown a new seed in you!

It's never to late to put down roots in His word and grow strong in Him!

It's never to late to seek Him and find Him!  He is always there!

Here is a song that has been in my head for the better part of a week and also the song in which I wrote the chorus in my journal yesterday.  I hope you enjoy it as much as I do.

forever His,

marcey ♥

directions.

Whew!  Sometimes you just need to recharge, am I right?  Sharing my story sure took a lot out of me.  Maybe I am alone here, but being so open and vulnerable is a scary, and at times draining, thing.  I mean, I am giving people I know, and most of which I don't know, solid ammo to hurt me if they so choose.  Plus, those that do know me may change how they view me.  But really, that last part does not bother me.  I was obedient to what God asked of me, so I just rest in Him, knowing His ways are greater than mine and He is in charge.  I have tried it on my own with out His help, and well...you all have probably read how that turned out!  Pain.  Hurt.  Heartache.

Since opening up on the www, I have been praying, asking God what His plan is for my blog specifically.  I don't want it to be anything that is my own doing, for my own personal gain.  I want to encourage the hearts of those who read.  I want to point each sweet soul to Jesus and His redeeming, perfect, ever-loving grace.  I also want to be real with you all.  I know God can use my mess to bring others closer to Himself.

So until next time, know that He wants you to know Him personally.  He wants to show you a love you have never known.  Take time today to seek Him...you will find Him.

"17 How precious are your thoughts concerning me, 

God!

How vast is the sum of them!

18 Were I to count them,

they would outnumber the grains of sand-

when I awake, I am still with you."

psalm 139:17-18

forever His,

marcey ♥

my story: redeeming grace.

This is a story.  

This is a story of God's grace and forgiveness, of His mercy and love.

This is a story of a life changed and healed, of a broken marriage restored.

This is a story still being written.

This is my story.

So humbled to have been asked to guest post over at One Small Town Girl.  Click on over to my sweet friend, Ashlie's blog to ready the rest of how God rescued me and restored my marriage.

This is a story.  This is a story of God's grace and forgiveness, of His mercy and love.  This is a story of a life changed and healed, of a broken marriage restored.  This is a story still being written.  This is my story.

Well, to give you a brief background of my life, you should know I grew up in a family that went to church every Sunday, I asked Jesus in my heart at age 6, baptized when I was 7, and was involved in all the ‘extras’ offered by my church.  I even attended Christian private schools till 6^th grade.  I was very involved with my youth group and stayed connected to the church all through high school.  {I am still connected with my youth pastor and his wife, and I simply adore them!}

I want you to understand that I had the head knowledge of what a Christian was supposed to do and be.  I knew what the Bible taught about what was right and what was not.  I knew about God’s grace and mercy.  But these were just things I knew in my head…not much of it was really in my heart…something was still missing…there was a void in my life.

Growing up, I experienced physical and emotional abuse from my mother {the healing from that could be a whole other post}.  Then when I was 15, I learned that mom was leaving my dad and that they were getting a divorce…things got very ugly {is it ever not ugly?}.  It was during this process that I met my sweet husband, Alan, even though we never spoke till I was 16...he was for sure the shy one. (:  He was my first kiss, my first date, and I loved being around him. (:   We got married when I was 19, moved away to Kansas City, and our Mr. Noah was born a year and a month later {um, we had a 5 year 'plan' so this was quite a shock!}.

To say that life was hard when we first got married would be a great understatement.  I know that marriage is never easy, especially when you are first married, but things went on in our home that are never okay.  We were two very broken and very angry people who were too stubborn to admit that we needed someone greater than ourselves to save us.  Not only were we struggling in our marriage, but I was still dealing with that void and had hoped Alan would be able to fill.  That lead to great disappointments because there was no way that Alan could ever fulfill all the needs I had.   Honestly, I look back and truly wonder how we stayed together.

After Noah was born I knew I wanted to stay at home with him.  It was so hard to go back to work those first 6 months of his life.  But, Alan was able to get a good paying, full time job which allowed me to quit my job and stay home…just like I had desperately wanted.  But that did not fulfill that void inside me.  After being home a year, things in my marriage had not changed much.  I had not changed much.  We were seeking wise counsel but the fighting and anger still continued.  I really began to consider divorce as a reasonable option...nothing was changing between us.

A year and a few months after Noah was born, we found out we were expecting out 2^nd little one and instead of tears that came with the news of our first {because of the shock, you know}…I was actually excited this time.  Looking back, I wonder if I thought that little one might fix all my/our problems, make things happy in our home, and again fill that void that was even more present in my life.  But, just a few weeks after the happy news, everything changed.  There was no baby-on-the-way anymore.  We had experienced a miscarriage.  We had lost a child.  I had lost my child.  And I thought I had lost my hope. As I write those last few sentences, it still brings tears to my eyes.  

I had never experienced this type of pain and grief before.  I didn’t know where to turn because even though I grew up going to church, had Christian friends, only listened to Christian music, did all the ‘extras’ I never truly had a relationship with Jesus.  I have experienced many spiritual highs but never the steady flow of the Holy Spirit within me.

My life began to spiral down very fast.  I decided I wanted out of my marriage.  I was tired of trying and I was tired of my needs not being met.  I put things in motion that would allow me to separate and move out.  I began to seek attention and love from others outside of my marriage {that is so hard to admit to you all}.  I changed the type of music I was listening to {some of you may not think this is a big deal, but I believe music/lyrics have such an impact}.  I avoided my friends who were true Christians even though I know they cared deeply about me and wanted to help.  I was looking to the world to fill that void and make the pain inside go away.  

I no longer cared about my little family.  I wanted to do whatever made me feel good.  I wanted to meet the needs that I believed had a 'right' to be met.  I wanted what I wanted. 

{This next part is that is the hardest to admit.  This is the part Satan likes to wave in my face and tell me I'm not good enough to have God's grace and mercy or share His redeeming love with others, because look how bad I have messed up.  This is where God steps in and gives me the courage to continue writing even as tears fall from my eyes.}

In my mind, my marriage was over, done, and there was no hope.  I mean, my husband had had enough 'chances' to change and treat me with love instead of spilling his anger out on me, right?  

I began to go out to the bars, with a friend, and drink.  I guess I thought I had been missing out on something because I never did that in the past.  {I had tried alcohol once prior to this time in my life.}  I wanted to feel loved, cherished, accepted.  I also wanted to run from the deep hurts of my past, my marriage, and the loss of my baby.  In some way, I know I was also running from God and at that time I really struggled believing He even existed any more.

After several weekends out, one night in particular nearly destroyed me and my family. After a night full of drinking, I made a choice that I thought never in my life I would do-never ever.  I had hit my rock bottom.  I don’t think I could have gone any lower.  Reality hit me in the face and I began to see what I was doing to myself, my husband, and my little boy.  This was not the life I wanted to live.  This is not how I wanted my son to see his Mommy.

All this happened from April through May of that year.  Less than 2 months and I fell so far as to nearly destroy my life and lost everything good God had given me.  I knew I had a choice to make...continue with the same behavior or make a huge change.  By the grace of God, I choose to change, to turn around, and run {not walk} back to my Savoir.

I opened up to Alan and was completely honest about all that had happened.  See, the whole time I was acting crazy, God was working on his heart.  He had changed.  He showed my grace and love in a way I most certainly did not deserve.  He showed me God’s love.  He forgave me. 

There was something so freeing about opening up and being real with Alan again.  I began to sense God in a different way because of the love Alan showed me.  I began to allow God to draw me closer to Him again.  I started to realize that the void in my life I was so desperate to fill needed to be filled by God, His love, His grace, His mercy.

I finally started to spend time with Him daily and quench that thirst I had for Him all along.  I just didn't realize how much I desperately needed Him...every day.  Having head knowledge was not enough.  Now, Jesus and I have conversations constantly.  His word is so very precious to me.  He is my life.  He is my joy.  He is my peace.  He is my strength.  He is my love.  He is all I need.  He fills me when I am empty and holds my hand when I am struggling to stand.  

Honestly, I am still in awe of how God restored my life and gave me grace, such great grace.  I could have lost my family, but instead I have a strong marriage built on Jesus and now three amazing babies!  I am almost at a loss for what to say.  All I can do is praise Him.  I cannot imagine what my life would be like if it were not for His mercy and forgiveness.

"The Lord is compassionate and gracious,

slow to anger, abounding in love.

He will not always accuse,

nor will He harbor His anger forever;

He does not treat us as our sins deserve

or repay us according to our iniquities.

For as high as the heavens are above the earth,

so great is His love for those who fear Him;

so far as the east is from the west,

so far has He removed our transgressions from us.

Psalm 103:8-12 NIV

God brought these words to me as I was struggling with sharing this part of my life.  I am beyond grateful that He is slow to anger, abounding in love.  That He will not always accuse me or stay angry with me when I mess up.  He does not treat me as I deserve, but He loves me with a love that far surpasses my comprehension.  And He has removed my sin and washed me clean.  I am forgiven and free!!  And guess what friends, that void is gone in my life and Jesus wants to fill the void in yours too!

the Lord’s,

marcey ♥

i'm gonna do it.

God certainly can work miracles, without a doubt!  He has been faithful time and time again in my life and just in the last 2 weeks has blown me away with the mountains He has moved for myself, my family, and friends.

Where would I be without His never-ending grace and mercy?  Surely, it would not be a pretty place at all.  And this week I have the humble privileged to share with you about the bad and ugly place God brought be out of.  So, friends, please pray for me and ask God to use my story to draw someone closer to Himself, all for His glory.

the Lord's,

marcey ♥

wordless wednesday.

the Lord's,

marcey ♥

being intentional with my babies.

This will be a short little post, but it has been on my mind a lot lately.

How much of our day is actually spent living with intention?  Do you look at every moment and realize that you will never again have that exact moment with those exact people or circumstances?  This last month or so I have tried to really slow down and soak up every bit of my kids.  Writing and sharing my story is what caused me to see how different my life could be and made me appreciate this season of life even more.  Time has already gone by fast and I do not want to wake up one day and realize I missed out on this time.  I want to be intentional with my time...especially when it comes to my babies.

There was loud music playing somewhere in the park so Noah and I started dancing.

 Noah is nearly six and so very smart.  I'm not just saying that because he's my baby {well, that is probably part of the reason}, but really he is!  I want to know that I took the time to teach him and watch his little mind work.  Taylor will be 3 in less than 20 days...I don't have a clue how that happened.  In just the last week alone his sentences have grown and he is constantly using new and bigger words.  I want to hug and kiss on him while he still lets me.  Lilly is 7 months old on Friday.  I love, love, love that girl!  She is so stinkin' beautiful and I tell her that ALL the time.  She's sitting up so well and rocking, rocking...I know she will be crawling soon.  I want to sit and stare at her and just take in every second.

I LOVE this age!  He is all boy and no fear.

I do my best to be intentional with my time during the day with them.  Of course there are days that I let my frustrations and emotions get the best of me and I know may miss some precious moments because I lost my patience.  But, I always want to remind myself to stop.look.listen.when it comes to my family and kiddos.  These years are going to fly by {they already seem like they have} so I want to remember them when they are small.

Soak up even the crazy, fussy times

the Lord's

marcey ♥

new face.

Thanks to my super handsome hubby {click here for his blog}, my blog now has a new look!  Let me know what you think with a little comment below.

Enjoy your weekend and hug your family!

the Lord's,

marcey ♥ 

funk.

Ever felt just...blah?  Ugh, it can be a discouraging feeling for sure.  And that has been my week.

I shared part of my story twice over the past weekend {to a large number of strangers} and boy, that took a lot out of me.  So really, I think that is the reason for just feeling out of it...that and my baby girl has decided that once again that sleep is not important.  Oh, and my man and I have been staying up way too late talking {but those times are SO worth it!}.

I am still trying to decide if sharing that part of my life here on the ole blog is a good idea or not.  Honestly, I have been feeling a bit down about that whole thing.  It's almost like the dreaded shame monster is coming back to sit with me for a while.  God and I have been talking about that quite a bit lately.  It's just something I have to work through as my past is brought back into the light.  Part of it might also be that now a large portion of my family knows about my past sin and I am a bit afraid they see me differently now.  Yep, that has to be it because as I typed that tears began to fall from my eyes.

On a happy note, I can already see how God is using the bad for good.  I have had several people reach out to me and begin to share their story too.  Never in my life did I think my worst actions could be used for His glory, but that was just my humanness talking and not realizing how great He is.

So, if you think of me, please pray for me. Don't worry, I have not lost hope and I most certainly have not let go of my Savior's hand.  Just in a funk and my God is bigger than any funk I might be in.

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose."

Romans 8:28

the Lord's,

marcey ♥

from my heart.

Ever had something strange happen to you and at first it seemed very annoying?  I know I have.  In fact something like that happened this morning before the sun even chose to make an appearance, but I'll get to that in a minute.

As someone who has 'grown up in the church' I knew that a good Christian is supposed to read their Bible and pray everyday.  I believed it was another one of those things I should do just so I can check it off on my list.  But no matter how hard I tried, I could never be consistent past like 3 days!  Just 3 days and then I would find that months would pass before I read my Bible for anything other than a church service or group study.  Why is that?  It sure isn't because the Bible isn't interesting...oh man, if you just read some of the things in there!

To be honest, I'm not all that sure why I didn't except that maybe I didn't understand what it meant to have a real relationship with the one and only God.  And I know I carried some pride in my heart too...thought I could do this life thing on my own.  That mindset now terrifies me.

{I have to add this.  Just now, I heard little foot steps across the floor up stairs and then a little bum sliding down each stair.  The an adorable little face peered around the corner and met my eyes. I said, "Taylor!!" And that little guy took off running as fast as he could into my arms...Ahhh!  SO much love I cannot handle it!}

I should also tell you I thought praying, unless there was a great need like sickness or money, was for old people.  Yes, old people...like everyone gets the chance to become an old person.  So having a prayer life would be something I would do when I got older and didn't have much else to do.  Is this makin' sense to anybody?

Well, I'll tell you were my selfish pride took me...flat on my face.  The life that I was so certain I could do on my own crumbled and I fell so far I was unsure that I could ever get up.  I promise to share more of my story another time.  {still asking God for courage to actually post that here} I slowly began to realize that the God I thought was far off and too busy for someone like me desperately wanted to know me and my heart.  He wanted to hear from me every day and through out my day.  He wanted to know what made me laugh and why I cried.  He wanted...me...just as I am...my mess and all.  I remember the first day I picked up my Bible and actually began reading it as if God was speaking to me.  Sweet memories. (:  It reminds me a bit of when my man and I started dating.  We didn't know much about each other but it was sure exciting to just be together and get to know one another more and more with each conversation.  And that was so my experience with God. {Except he already knew me.}

So finally, God and I began getting to know one another.  He is far more wonderful than I ever realized.  It is like being with someone that compliments you all the time, is constantly lifting you up with encouraging words and love.  My time with God is like water for my dry and parched soul.  That time is a need if I am to get through my day with out seriously hurting someone.

I tell you all this to encourage someone reading to begin to get to know God.  I mean really know Him.  Not just what you have been taught, or what you thought you knew, or what your pastor tells you He is or isn't but get to know Him for yourself.  And there is never a better time than now!  Just open up His Word and start reading. (:

So are you still wondering what the strange thing was that happened this morning?  Well, I have a hard time waking up in the morning.  I am most certainly not a morning person.  So, when I began to spend time with God, I did it when my two boys were napping {more on that later, as well}.  Lately, God has been asking me to make Him my first priority in my day and I have really struggled to get up before the rest of my family and spend time with Him.

Anyway, my husband has a hard time getting up when his first alarm goes off so he also sets a second one-fifteen minutes apart.  When I got up to nurse Lilly at 2am, God impressed upon my heart that I should get up and start my day with Him.  Well, I must have been sleeping too long because Alan's alarm went off at 5:15am and then again at 5:30am.

I said, "Hunny, why on earth is your alarm going off so early?"

"It's not set to go off till 6:15am and 6:30am," he replied.

And sure enough, he showed my and no alarm was set for 5am anything!  As I rolled back over, trying to go back to sleep, God reminded me..."Get up!"  Hahaha (:  I have no other explanation than the alarm was for me.  So I listened and got up.  Oh my friend, it was so worth it!  God is faithful...always.  And just like Taylor ran into my arm at the first sight of his mommy, I want to run into my Savoir's arms first thing every morning!  His hugs are the best!

" 7 ...blessed are those who trust in the Lord,

whose confidence is in Him.

8 They will be like a tree planted by the water 

that sends out its roots by the stream.

It does not fear when heat comes; 

its leaves are always green.

It has no worries in a year of drought

and never fails to bear fruit."

Jeremiah 17: 7-8 TNIV

i come guilty.

So full right now.  So very full!  Uh, no I'm not talking about food; I'm talking Holy Spirit kind of full...the best kind!  This past Friday and Saturday I was privileged enough to hear God speak through Beth Moore and Travis Cottrell.  A.maz.ing!  I hope to write more another day about what changed in my heart during those two days but for right now I want to share these words with you.  It is from a song that Travis lead on Saturday, an old hymn with a bit added to it:

Just As I Am by Travis Cottrell

Just as I am, without one plea,

But that Thy blood was shed for me,

And that Thou bidst me come to Thee,

O Lamb of God, I come, I come.

Just as I am, and waiting not

To rid my soul of one dark blot,

To Thee whose blood can cleanse each spot,

O Lamb of God, I come, I come.

refrain:

I come broken to be mended

I come wounded to be healed

I come desperate to be rescued

I come empty to be filled

I come guilty to be pardoned

by the blood of Christ the Lamb

And I’m welcomed with open arms,

praise God just as I am.

Just as I am, I would be lost,

But mercy and grace my freedom bought,

And now to glory in your cross,

O Lamb of God, I come, I come.

If you are brave enough, let the words of the refrain soak in: I come broken, I come desperate, I come guilty and praise God I am welcomed just as I am.